My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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