WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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