i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
