I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
