Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
