could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
