I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
