I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
