too bad you live with your parents still
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
