i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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