I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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