yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
