you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
