Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize