Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
