You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
The air taste purple.
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