I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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