You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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