I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
