Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Randomize
