i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
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but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
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Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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