Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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