Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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