Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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