how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
