i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
