where am i from again
you traded sex for a burrito?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Randomize
