the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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