just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
