If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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