i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
