Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
