Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
