it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
