i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Randomize
