I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
