i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
