two words: eviction party
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
