I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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