Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he told me I talked like a deaf person
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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