saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
