Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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