He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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