So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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