Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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