I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
