Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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