so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
