i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
