:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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