You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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