More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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