apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
