Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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