Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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