the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
