I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
