dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
