oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
