i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
