Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
