So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
