there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
